Sweets to a Sweet and Flowers to a Flower

What I remember about Sweets to a Sweet and Flowers to a Flower comes from two people who were deeply in love and remained that way for their entire lives together. A man was a man and a woman, a woman. No confusion, no illusions. Their example sets the relationship bar high -impossibly so. They came from a time that which each passing year, sadly fades further into the distant past of the early 20th century. I can’t help wishing for a life and love like theirs, even with all the hardships they faced: a depression, world war and separation.

‘Sweets to a sweet and flowers to a flower‘ aptly describes the relationship between my grandparents. I would hazard a guess it stems from British english “Sweets to the sweet” or candy for the sweetheart. It makes sense as it also comes from their era.

They met during the Depression years and married during war time. On their wedding day, my grandfather risked a court-martial by not being married in uniform. This is no way diminished his tremendous patriotism and sense of duty to his country. He simply wanted to give my grandmother a wedding photo that would be without the reminder of war.

Respect and Mutal Admiration

I am still awed by their great love and respect for one another. Respect and mutal admiration was always in abundance whether through playful ‘kibbitzing’or ‘shenanigans’ as my grandmother called it or their quarrels which lasted but a few hours.

Their courtship was double-dates, dancing and hot-dogs afterwards. My grandmother would shake her head and laugh, “He’d take me out for a hot-dog and then later try to squeeze it out of me in the car!” A reference to the playful, respectful, line of decorum.

Respect and mutual admiration for each other- his for her patience, creativity and frugality. Hers for his strength as provider and dedication to the family; no matter what the need or situation. They were strength for each othe and from each other and were not afraid to show it.

Dancing through life

When a couple are perfectly paired, it can seem as if they are dancing through life. Indeed, one of my frequent requests was for them to dance. They were wonderful dancers, my grandfather was a strong leader who could whisk anyone, myself included, across the dance floor. But to watch him with my grandmother was magic. Though their living room was small, they could jitter-bug to “In the Mood” and “Begin the Beguine” as if it was a ballroom. The show stopper was their song “Stardust”. I last watched them dance to Stardust at my sister’s wedding over 20 years ago, it seemed as though they were ageless as they moved across the floor with fluid grace.

They always celebrated their birthdays and anniversary. My grandfather would produce a card with a beautiful verse after which, in his perfectly formed script, he added his own thoughts for her. The accompanying bouquet, chosen by him and in person, was a testament of his feelings. Her response, “Oh, hon!” through a shimmer of unshed tears. Their smiles and kiss said it all.

My grandfather would tell us, “Sweets to a sweet and flowers to a flower”. My grandmother just smiled, but with satisfaction and joy. I have to mention that my grandmother was not particularly fond of chocolate, so he would spoil her with ice cream, which she loved and flowers.

And she spoiled him in her way – every item of food he loved (especially Brach’s chocolates: Raisinettes, covered peanuts would be waiting for him at home. He loved Ice cream and when it was still sold by the gallon container, she served it with cantaloupe for dessert. Her version of sweets to a sweet. She enjoyed ‘treating’ him to a lunch or dinner out. He would tease her that she must have a big nest egg somewhere.

Deeply devoted

They were deeply devoted to each other and it showed. Wherever they went it was together. He looked for her patience and she his strength and encouragement. He never lost his gallantry and protectiveness toward her. She maintained respect for his masculinity and never let anyone disparage him.

My grandfather complimented her often, and could be heard doing same in or out of her presence. “My wife…wrote the most moving poem.” “My wife is too good a cook!”

She reminded him of meetings for which he needed to prepare. She never missed a doctor appointment with him. He planned their car trips, knew her likes and needs. For them, chivalry was what they knew. It did not have to be learned as their generation, the Greatest Generation, lived by the moral code of respect, decency and good manners. Respect was a given and even during their quarrels, anger never crossed the line.

Does this exist today?

Does this still exist today? Why does it seem we are devolving from these wonderful, important norms? Can a man respectfully appreciate a woman without fear of sexual harassment? Why is it seen as weakness if she acknowledges a man holding a door for her? Why are so many determined to eliminate male and female and their unique qualities?

They lived in a time when the entire world was a war and sacrifice was part of daily life. People were called upon to bear great sorrow and witness events that would scar the human soul. I doubt any of the present, entitled generation could muster the strength or endurance to produce the victory that was achieved.

I think of my grandmother and grandfather every day and the impact they have had on my life, thankful that I feel a strong kinship with their era.